Talk. Its Life.

As a Veteran in the Separated States of America, People can give two shits about me being a Vet. I mean seriously, the more I ask for a nugget of cannabis to get by for a day from someone else, the more I realize I have to continue to do things myself. It IS the Veteran Way. ESPECIALLY when it comes to cannabis. Prescription from the VA?! Sure! They can fill pills in a heart beat, but my heart will shut down if I continued that path. It is unusual for me to have to depend on anyone else for my benefit. Not like it is a negative thing right? I learned that in order to get places in Life, everyone needs some sort of helping hand and mine is with cannabis. Although I feel an internal mental abuse towards cannabis that comes from a very dark place, I realize now how much cannabis has helped me over the years. And now, when I am off cannabis, my mind wanders. My other voices a bitching at me. Everything seems to irritate me. My guilt & confusion comes out and Im hit with a huge emoti

It is hard being a Veteran. I am currently out of cannabis which I depend on as many others do too. But when the mind is idol it is a very dangerous thing. Hence the reason why I need to get out of the house. Not sit here like a blank face on a stump because I am stuck in some mind world somewhere... But I do sit here. I Do. Because of the guilt if I leave. I remember telling my fiance I left to get some air with Arai, I took her with me to go see the sunrise thinking it was going to be okay... Well needless to say I was told about it. "I thought you said we were not suppose to leave the house when we are upset" and we are not. But what if Im not upset. What if Im just frustrated as hell and need to get out. Can I Go? Can I Go without feeling as if it will come back on me in some way? No... So I stay... In my mind. In my guilt of not being able to leave. In fear of me ruining something. Detaching from something. Again. I wanna erase it. Guilt. #AmericasVeteran #TheCon

What is it like be a Veteran in America... It is like that neglected child who begs for attention and wonders why It is having blank stares at you when you get triggered It is having to fight for our benefits when we were told we would be taken care of It is like being the black sheep of the community trying to be white again It is having to take medications that kill without a second thought It is having to cope with PTSD day in and Day out It is being a status everyone uses for their own benefit It is watching suicide numbers among us rise while my blood boils It is living with anxieties every day wondering, will I be next It is wondering why our government is selfish It is constantly going to the hospital for one reason or another It is being analyzed by a civilian who has a degree not life experience in the MilitaryIt is always having to be analyzed like we are a fucking experiment & Having to be Proud of it... Well I am not. I am not proud to be an American.

Aloah nui! We are all flawed in one way or another. I have had many years of observing myself & others to know this. But when two perfectly flawed individuals bump heads in the Leadership Community what do you do? Lets Talk Story... Within the last year I have gained the Respect of community advocates in the greater LA, Long Beach/Signal Hill & Orange County. This is due to countless hours of connections & persistence and my ambition to get involved in this new community & just About a year ago A Community "Leader" gained my attention by her advocacy for Veterans. From there I had seen her involvement with the Community & Seen that she was an educator. Something I Wish To Be... I found her so intriguing that I had built up the courage to ask her to be my Mentor. A Community Mentor that is. This is a big thing for me. A Marine Veteran ASKING someone else to Mentor them? She happily accepted and A Relationship was Underway. I was proud to jump, fina