The Guilt That Binds

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It is hard being a Veteran. I am currently out of cannabis which I depend on as many others do too. But when the mind is idol it is a very dangerous thing. Hence the reason why I need to get out of the house. Not sit here like a blank face on a stump because I am stuck in some mind world somewhere... But I do sit here. I Do. Because of the guilt if I leave.
I remember telling my fiance I left to get some air with Arai, I took her with me to go see the sunrise thinking it was going to be okay... Well needless to say I was told about it. "I thought you said we were not suppose to leave the house when we are upset" and we are not. But what if Im not upset. What if Im just frustrated as hell and need to get out. Can I Go? Can I Go without feeling as if it will come back on me in some way? No...

So I stay... In my mind. In my guilt of not being able to leave. In fear of me ruining something. Detaching from something. Again. I wanna erase it. Guilt.


#AmericasVeteran
#TheControlled
#TheManipulated
#TheUsed

 

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