Talk. Its Life.

Aloha All, Today makes the last day I allow anyone to disrespect me. Not only disrespect me but my daughter then my fiance. It is understandable that my fiance, son of this sporadic irate when drunk "mother", goes off on him and steps to him and he has the respect for her not to jump at her ways because he knows her. But when her anger transfers to belittling my mothering skills, yelling at my daughter out of emotion, stepping at her son then calling me a bitch. Like... Huh!? And THEN she had the nerve to step at me. Now, in my mind, I know for a fact that she is not that crazy to ACTUALLY start a fight over petty shit.  How petty is petty though? I mean, I have heard about in-law living but this is some next level shit. Just had to vent a little. #TalkLifeRadio

Dance. It has always been a part of my life and my Life has always depended on it in many ways. I remember when i first started Hula. It was in the foster home in Hawai'i on Pearl Harbor. We were used to entertain the Military Ohanas that came there to service the country. More than one way. If you know what I am saying. You see, I, Myself, have been in the Military World since I can remember and it is not always a good laugh but it is a joke. haha. Ok so Comedy is Not one of my Best Traits but I would Like to think that I try very well yeah. I am remembering how humbling Hula made me feel thru the years. That spirit. The Spirit of Aloha. As we Polynesians say. My Hula days ended when my Fosters moved me to the mainland. Illinois to be exact. It was Culture Shock to me because everyone was just so plain jane and free. In their own unique way. Even the dancing on the Mainland Opened my eyes to the term "Culture". I have seen it over time. And now Dance &am

Who. Am. I.  Finding truth in Religion is about as ugly as finding the truth in American Politics. It. Just. Will. Not. Happen. Or will it. You see, I have lived a life full of uncertainty when it came to Religion. I never knew why. Until Today. A day and age where the stipulations of the title "wife" can bring so much anger and resentment. All the things I have heard about this term "religion" and how it is tacked on to the title of a "wife" and then it is connected to all the rules and regulations of what a "marriage" is supposed to be... At the end of the day I ask everyone: "Who Really Are YOU?" I remember being the one that loved to see people be free in their own way. Weather it was dance or sing or cooking. Gatherings I always loved. Having many people around showing loves of Aloha. Not really experiencing the "Marriage" scene... Until I was moved to the mainland. I had see many weddings living in Illin

       Lost & Insecure. Americans we are. In one way or another you are insecure too. Yes. You. And it is okay. A Healthy Amount of insecurity is okay and I know that sounds weird but it makes sense to me. We are born into a world where people are seperated on the daily, mass media has warped americans brains with all the psychological warfare they play. It is a complete joke really. It is without a doubt I am Blessed to be currently in a Healthy relationship where I feel secure in saying... Having a little insecurity in life is okay.  Lets Talk Story: SO! I was taught about "love" at a very young age. 6. To be exact. Being touched in a cardboard box and having someone tell you that "this is what people do when they love each other". So I left thinking... 'if what i felt tonight the same as what i see on the screen'. And im thinking back to the times I seen the porn on my Foster Military Fathers tv in their bedroom. The sex domain. Where &quo

Does this make sense to you? Can you relate?  Thru the last three almost four years I have learned to be more assertive. more calm in response, although some things still shock the shit out of my anxiety like marriage for one. this word has had such an effect and my visions of past events, yes, PAST (i shouldn't be) but i do go there. and i know i need not to. there are subjects more touchy than others when communicating with a kane and finances is one. and then there are those topics that he is 'safe' to speak about around him. i mean when will i feel comfortable enough to know that YOU are completely with me WITHOUT using me in ANY type of way.  and although these last couple years have been hard, I have grown. For us. For Q. it sucks to constantly feel sad vs. accomplished after communicating sensitive topics. on a scale of 1 - 10 in communication we are about a 6. i mean, we need work. and maybe i need to rethink my questions... i asked him 'will i be paying f

As a Veteran in the Separated States of America, People can give two shits about me being a Vet. I mean seriously, the more I ask for a nugget of cannabis to get by for a day from someone else, the more I realize I have to continue to do things myself. It IS the Veteran Way. ESPECIALLY when it comes to cannabis. Prescription from the VA?! Sure! They can fill pills in a heart beat, but my heart will shut down if I continued that path. It is unusual for me to have to depend on anyone else for my benefit. Not like it is a negative thing right? I learned that in order to get places in Life, everyone needs some sort of helping hand and mine is with cannabis. Although I feel an internal mental abuse towards cannabis that comes from a very dark place, I realize now how much cannabis has helped me over the years. And now, when I am off cannabis, my mind wanders. My other voices a bitching at me. Everything seems to irritate me. My guilt & confusion comes out and Im hit with a huge emoti

It is hard being a Veteran. I am currently out of cannabis which I depend on as many others do too. But when the mind is idol it is a very dangerous thing. Hence the reason why I need to get out of the house. Not sit here like a blank face on a stump because I am stuck in some mind world somewhere... But I do sit here. I Do. Because of the guilt if I leave. I remember telling my fiance I left to get some air with Arai, I took her with me to go see the sunrise thinking it was going to be okay... Well needless to say I was told about it. "I thought you said we were not suppose to leave the house when we are upset" and we are not. But what if Im not upset. What if Im just frustrated as hell and need to get out. Can I Go? Can I Go without feeling as if it will come back on me in some way? No... So I stay... In my mind. In my guilt of not being able to leave. In fear of me ruining something. Detaching from something. Again. I wanna erase it. Guilt. #AmericasVeteran #TheCon

What is it like be a Veteran in America... It is like that neglected child who begs for attention and wonders why It is having blank stares at you when you get triggered It is having to fight for our benefits when we were told we would be taken care of It is like being the black sheep of the community trying to be white again It is having to take medications that kill without a second thought It is having to cope with PTSD day in and Day out It is being a status everyone uses for their own benefit It is watching suicide numbers among us rise while my blood boils It is living with anxieties every day wondering, will I be next It is wondering why our government is selfish It is constantly going to the hospital for one reason or another It is being analyzed by a civilian who has a degree not life experience in the MilitaryIt is always having to be analyzed like we are a fucking experiment & Having to be Proud of it... Well I am not. I am not proud to be an American.

Aloah nui! We are all flawed in one way or another. I have had many years of observing myself & others to know this. But when two perfectly flawed individuals bump heads in the Leadership Community what do you do? Lets Talk Story... Within the last year I have gained the Respect of community advocates in the greater LA, Long Beach/Signal Hill & Orange County. This is due to countless hours of connections & persistence and my ambition to get involved in this new community & just About a year ago A Community "Leader" gained my attention by her advocacy for Veterans. From there I had seen her involvement with the Community & Seen that she was an educator. Something I Wish To Be... I found her so intriguing that I had built up the courage to ask her to be my Mentor. A Community Mentor that is. This is a big thing for me. A Marine Veteran ASKING someone else to Mentor them? She happily accepted and A Relationship was Underway. I was proud to jump, fina

... Im in thought... The Universe is Moving... And I'm am more Hauoli today. Progress has been amazing withing these last few weeks. But it was also Mentally Hard. Gathering the skills to cope thru high anxiety times is imperative.  Having the Support of Ohana & Hoalohas. Learning that there are those out there who want to connect or reconnect after my Labour. Its past the eight weeks and really, I am on chill mode. I have to be. I have probably been the Most Mindful these past few weeks than I ever have in my Life. Only because things are moving. They are Evolving how they need to and Creative Growth is on the Horizon. Whether it is ICONradio.fm, dance or even Hosting... The Universe Is Moving... It makes me Hauoli (Happy in Hawaiian). It is all I have ever wanted. Now, we move Forward together. I Pray this 2018 We Thrive as Small Businesses. It is because I have this Love of Giving that makes me Different from the rest of us Marketers. And in our case, We Market O

I was born kamaaina to Oahu. Learning the Hawaiian way way Special to me. It reminded me over the years of how many others need to live with more Compassion and Patience. It is what helps me look at everything going on in today's society the way I do. Coming from a neglec t filled background can render some harsh feelings when you feel disconnected from the one person you love. The person I chose to be with. The person that is there for me. Well, as of this point, emotionally I'm taking a toll. It has now become a reality about Business & Ohana. Both are never going to be well balanced and there are certain things in a relationship that will take a toll. Over the years it has been difficult to feel completely secure. Thoughts of "did we rush into this too fast", "did he really want a Ohana or did he just say that", "Is he using me to try and prove a point to someone" or even "Why did he even say he wanted kids" and "do my emo

Aloha Nui Lovie Faces, So its been a while since my last blog and a lot has happened. The radio show is about to come back on July 26th. ICON Radio.fm is making great impressions around the Globe. My Ohana is Hauoli and me? Well, I'm definitely hanging in there. Most days are better than before & I do have to say, my coping skills have enhanced. With a two month old and a four year old and anxiety off the rocker, it can be tough. But we manage yeah. I want to start sharing my writings. I consider much of these being said in Spoken Word form. I Pray that you all enjoy. Poetry, its what gets me by when I have things on my mind. This Spoken Word is titled "I Wish" I Wish "I wish to be able to have a room facing the direction of the sunrise just so I can always look forward to another day. The sunrise is my reminder of another Day to Live. I wish to be Healthy so I can wake up the next day. I wish my Mental State stay In Peace. I Wish for the Serenity that c

I never wanted to be one of those girls who lost so much dignity at a young age that i turned to prostitution. It almost happened though. In  my life. All the things I have seen and the things I have done for my own benefit. Just to find out that doing things that way leads to more heartbreak. Realizing that now, I look at the younger generations with compassionate eyes. I feel sorry for them. What I seen last night was disturbing. A young teenage girl prostituting herself in a Ford SUV right in front of our home. I guess she felt the pierce eye stares myself and my niece were giving the SUV in trying to figure out 'wtf are you doing' and 'why here' and lastly 'I Have A Ohana Living Here!' Emphasis on the exclamation point. But do you see what I'm saying so far? How did America get so Tainted in the Mind that now, as an activity of "normalcy", that Teen Wahines have to sell their self? A question not only I ask but will answer as well. From be

“Let Me Be” (stand on your feet) Raised by the Military Foster World Guided & Manipulated into Being Numb Where Truth Was Restricted Vindicated Under a Strict Thumb Guilted & Shamed upon Un-approval Invalidated by the dumb… (Or ignorant) So Much Intimate Hate Brewed Around Me (Damn Scum) No real Freedom Inside Afraid to even ask to unwind Never Good Enough Thoughts Resigned Within Expressions from Ohana Lacked Genuine Pride I Knew These Relationships Had Its Time In My Mind Dreams and Imaginations of Fairy Tale Scenes went Dim My Accomplishments Were Recognized But Me Being Me Was A Sin, I Was Confused… But… Akua Paves My Path Not Your Words That Play (Don’t you play with words with me) Im Taking Opposing Ways Now The Past You Will Stay Akua Paves My Path Not Your Words That Play (no more manipulation) I Took Hold of Opposing Your Ways Now The Past You Will Stay Away with Cold Attitudes Consistently Im Running Free Mindfully Taking  A Pass on Drama Always Searching to Focus on

Anxieties. Everyone has them to one extent or another right? Yeah? What people that are around me dont know is that I Have Anxiety Too. I Also Have To Cope On The Daily. Not so much about Life anymore but now about the people that are around me. I am to the point in my journey in California that I Have Found My Hauoli Medium. And it is here. In Signal Hill/ Long Beach. I have come to learn the areas more but still need the directional assistance. When I lived in Chicago, the water was always to the East. And now for the last 6 years I STILL try to figure out what direction I am in considering the water is now to the West. Many might think that hearing that is funny. I Probably Would Too. SO learning my way around these last two years has been interesting. But a Learning Journey. Still, I Literally will do Recon on EVERY Location including Surroundings so I can Mentally Prepare myself of what Im about to "get in to" sorta speak. Its The Recon in Me. It starts with the Rou

Be Grateful - Change Your Life Today, be grateful. Be grateful for your favorite music, for movies that make you feel good, for your phone that connects you with people, for your computer, and for the electricity that lights up your life. Be grateful for air travel that flies you everywhere. Be grateful for the roads and traffic lights that keep the traffic in order. Be grateful to those who built our bridges. Be grateful for your pet, for your child, for your loved ones, for your eyes that enable you to read this. Be grateful for your imagination. Be grateful that you can think. Be grateful that you can speak. Be grateful that you can laugh and smile. Be grateful that you can breathe. Be grateful that you are alive! Be grateful that you are You!  Be grateful that there are two words that can change your life. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! — from The Secret Daily Teachings May the Joy be with You, Rhonda Byrne

So! Aloha Nui All Again and welcome back to the Lady Lena Show. I mean seriously! So, yesterday morning was pretty rough with dreams, waking up crying, all the random pee times and pain in my crotch that comes and goes when it pleases. THEN! Its the, having to go back to sleep part that sucks because the ringing in your ear wont stop EVER and it gets louder and TOP of my snoring fiance and then, the adjusting pains that go away when you FINALLY get relaxed and in a "nesting" position that you FINALLY find... Until being in that one position starts to hurt. I mean c'mon Universe! I did call upon the Ohana Life & Life Style yeah? Lets Talk Story: I remember a time when it was rough, in my twenties, and I got pregnant by my "comfort hoaloha" which, at the time was seeing someone that was ALREADY pregnant and I was still getting over my ex... Or shall we say, Coping. And how I coped back then was with Drinking & Sex. I mean whoooo in the world wouldn

Aloha nui all... For someone like me being Hauoli (happy) is a good thing. It took myself a while to get here, but after a lot of Prayer & Faith, I'm Here! Mindfully. Wahines like myself find the satisfaction in being in our Relationships. Many others, well... I cant say EVERYONE is hauoli but Many Do Think They Are. My Life has always been my education and along the way I have Learned that Many ways Society functions  & it is not the Normal Humanitarian way... "Why?" you say? Well here is is. Its because Humans have been very desensitized for many decades, even centuries. What Humans are dehumanized you wonder... When I speak, I speak in Military Form & the desensitization of its teachings. I, myself, am a Veteran. A Proud Marine Veteran. Now. That is... After so long of not being able to speak out on issues during active duty or post service unless its to a VA psychologist, I'm feeling kind of antsy to say, Mahalo Keakua! I'm Speaking Out! #Milit

Aloha All, This Kakahiaka I wake up feeling the way I do sometimes... Confused and unsure about what went on in my foster life to get me here. And my feelings, they are geared toward my foster Ohana. Mainly, my foster mother. I think back after waking this way many times throughout my Life and wonder how things gotten so bad with us by asking myself time and time again; "how did we get here", "what did I do so bad that makes you hate me" and even wondering if she wanted me at all. The conclusion always is the same... No. Truly, she never wanted me. She was only in it for the money and control. And once she found out I couldn't be controlled, she found ways to retaliate in her own scandal way. You see, throughout my life there were always moments of asking myself these same questions. One question in particular; "Am I Ever Going to be Good Enough for her/them?" sticks in my mind. Because over the years, my childhood and life in my 20

I have always wondered what others perceptions on Intimacy is. In a Generation where grabbing pussies & racy talk about Wahines are the norm, How Do You Define True Intimacy?    I have discovered thru my time on this wonderful planet that the Vision Behind Intimacy has been misconstrued. It has not only gone way out of proportion but its also a concern for parents raising Daughters of their own. Intimacy doesnt have to be this racy, raunchy thing. Intimacy is time. Intimacy is Patience. Intimacy is Connecting On A Way Different Level than just Surface Thoughts.    This Season on Talk Life Radio I will be talking about How to Heal Behind Intimacy. Many of us are like Myself, coming from a background where being lusted, groped on, taunted & teased became a way of life as a child into my teen years. In my twenties, I Had To Find Myself.    Finding MY True Intimacy took a while but when you start getting comfortable with yourself enough to Masturbate & feel grea

Aloha Kakahiaka All this early Friday Morning. SO as many of you know or will know, I am a Veteran & Survivor of many traumas in my life. I wake up here and there with different moods because of my vivid dreams of insanity. Many times its irritating to come out of such sleep but I'm getting better. I just had a dream. It was confusing and sad at the same time. There was a empty house at first and myself and my fiance were getting ready to go somewhere important. THEN, everything switched. It was like people, people I didn't even know, all around me. In the Living room, behind the walls, in hiding spots in the house, the hall ways etc. And then another part of the dream added babies. I'm waling thru the hallway with all these people ignoring me as I ask"where is Sirquon? We have to go?". And it was like no one was listening to me or hearing me. It was as if I wasn't even there. Throughout my dream i got frustrated and then sad because i felt he, Sirqu

Aloha All reading this. It has been one heck of a day! I got a lot accomplished though. Yey me. BUT! There were certain things that kinda got to me, I Prayed for and let go. One thing that gets to me is the ignorance in our Media. SOOOOOO much of the Media in the US has overpoured to other countries with the same nonsense going on. Its an EVERY day thing just having to wake up and find out our Dumbass President said more stupid shit to raise more tempers and hate and literally push policies and bills that are no where near for the "people" of America. What else gets me is that people, such as Kellyanne Conway & the rest of his wonderful aristocrats, stay defending him by overtalking & redirecting questions into stupid facts which sound pretty aweful because like myself, I am SURE many Americans out there are STILL waiting for you to Answer The Question. Not deflect with the psycho motive attitude of control & condescending smiles on your FACE! And THEN!!!!

Aloha Nui Loa All! And WELCOME to my New Blog Page Lets Talk Life. You know, its pretty funny that I named it that because My Radio show Talk Life Radio started Originally named Lets Talk Life ! And now, 5 years later, 1 relationship Obtained & Sustained, 1 child born, 1 on the way, I HAVE to say that LIFE Has been CRAZY BLESSED! I say that in a pause only because i know of all the things i went thru my start in Cali. From the Opportunist & Backstabbing room-mates, to the Ex-Sister-in-Law that kicked me out and ended up Homeless for a week, to Gainng the Ambition to Get My Own place and to Now... I finally have gained a Ohana worth Loving, Smiling & Striving for EACH and EVERY day. And the great part... I get to take this journey with them! And they are All Mine! This is just coming from a lil Lena that is loving the life of Giving Love. Especially When Its Someone Who Deserves It All. Yes, I Found him and He has found me. Now, we are building our Radio Empire Together