Talk. Its Life.

#MotherlyRant As someone who was raised Foster System Military Brat gone Marine May I please ask; Are we further than this yet? Or do we hit a communication breach where I am the "go to" for shit talk and someone else is getting the Intellectual talk that I Crave In Any Kane. Slap on the inconsistent days of not brushing his teeth or washing his akole... Which, by the way Men, also goes in to some of the reasons why it is hard for a Wahine to be intimate. Where is the motivation to do better?  In our society, our Kane really have to have higher standards of living for themselves. Going thru life feeling entitled to a Wahine cleaning up after your every beckoned trash bit and hair clip has gotten redundant in this Millennial Veteran eye. I mean, who thought of Wahines solely being the care takers of grown men who can fully function on their own? Oooh the perks of Life to be a Kane and have a Wahine constantly cleaning up and catering to your every need.  And I...

I created such a busy schedule for myself since we landed in Vegas. It has gotten to the point where now I avoid my fiance at times. Tired of being emotional. So I network. To keep my mind busy. To keep me going productively. To get me to where I need to be. A steady mind at this point brings nothing but uncomfortable thoughts, impatience, uneasiness & sadness for everything endured. Detoxing this pain has been exhausting.  So I do what I do best. I put on that lovely smile everyone seems to care so much for and talk. To random people all the time. Trying to figure out the city scene can get complicating and uncomfortable. Considering I have been in this game for over ten years now makes it worth the un-comfort. I find myself gaining opportunities with an underlined unhappiness about my personal relationship. Wondering where will we be in the next couple months sticks vividly in my head.  Outside support can get tricky. The VA can be untrustworthy, Talki...

Aloha Everyone, Since the spontaneous move to Vegas I wake up with feelings of nauseousness many days. I feel like crying at random times and my anxiety is constant. Lately it has been a struggle of belief. You know, words hold merit with me and I am constantly wondering why. Hearing things be repeated time after time of hearing the same thing from the same person will leave anyone in a confused state of mind & believing them. It has come to me that I am more detached to my relationship because of this and I am not sure when I will be back. I remember living with my sis in law and we got into a tiff. It was over the dishes and petty and ended up with her telling me to get out. So, I did. For the last year now I been hearing the push away statements from my very own lover. Who has also decided to take the denial route with whatever I come to him with. Being laid off for two years can be tough on any relationship, but when a partner has taken complete and utter pity on himself, ...

Its like i'm waiting for the time to run out to another Unknown that leaves me filled with much anxiety. The calming I need right now. The security I seek. The positive vibes I have been longing for. You know, i do not mean to be such a bitch about things but everyone has their breaking point. Or with me, losing patience. Losing patience to a timeline. A timeline that keeps my mind ticking. A timeline that ends with... Where will I be? What will I do? Where will I live with my girls? And because i was raised in the foster system of this god forsaken place, I have that urge and need for a Home and Security. You know, this nation would be a much better place if the greedy were not that greedy. It is just that simple. You have enough money to replenish EVERYONE in America including homeless and you do nothing to make a change? whuuu? The mentality of it all sickens me. I see where it can trickle to the other men in many cultures who take to the "white man" ways. All I h...